A Year Ago Today

A year ago today is a day of remembrance. After 5 miscarriages 1 from 2013 and 4 from 2014 I sat in a Walmart bathroom stall. With tears flowing from my eyes as I looked at the test that read positive in bold letters. Seth was in the salon getting his hair cut for wrestling that night, I didn't know what to do or say from all the losses we had experienced I was tired of getting mine plus his hopes up. I was tired of all the failed attempts that said we weren't quite ready to be parents just yet. I wanted to tell him but then again I didn't. After about an hour I couldn't take it anymore and I said oh by the way you may or may not be a daddy sometime next year he asked if I was sure and I said no but we would find out. So I waited about a week before I called Dr. Jones to schedule an ultrasound. In between the time I was anxious I believe in the first few weeks I took over 20 test as all the previous pregnancies had ended just around 6 weeks. Our app was scheduled for October 13th just two days before my 25th birthday. We went in and there our little peanut was I was just 7 weeks along but in my eyes that was the longest I had ever carried I was blessed. I cried for days and just prayed that God would let me keep this child. Little did I know there was actually two little munchkins in there lol. But anyways today is a day I will forever hold dear in my heart 

Then there was 4

So my Littles have finally made their appearance. On Tuesday May 12th at 1:30 I started having contractions every ten mins I was on my way to my mother's house when they started and I was starting to get excited because I knew my precious babies were soon to arrive. My mom took me to the hospital and they hooked up all the monitors to make sure everything was fine. Then the Dr came in to check and see if I was dilating any and surprisingly I was only dilated to 2. Seth was at work and I couldn't get a hold of him but it was Ok ge only had about 30 mins left and I knew he would call as soon as he got out to the car. So when he got off and called me I told him the situation and he came up there we figured since I wasn't progressing any they would send me home and we would return the next week for our scheduled cesarean.  Seeing as how the babies were in awkward positions. Around 7 that night they came in and told I would be staying over night just in case something happens.  I was heartbroken I was ready to go home my contractions had started to be every 6 mins and they gave me a shot of dimarol and I went to sleep. I woke up every hour to nurses coming and checking on my progress so I was a very sleepless night. The next morning my Dr came in checked me and told me I could finally go home but to take it easy and she would see me next Wednesday for our date with the twins. So I got home and waited for Seth to go to work then I headed to my mom's just in case something happened I didn't want to be by myself.  I stayed until about 3:30 until I knew Seth was home then I headed home and crawled in bed I was asleep for about an hour when I got an urge to cough. Next thing I know I'm standing in the laundry room with my water breaking and freaking out. We started rushing around trying to get last min things together then we hurried to the hospital on the way we stared calling all our family to let them know it was time. At 6 I had an I.V. In my hand and was being taken back for surgery. They gave me and epidural and told me to be still and once they had started they would bring Seth in to be by my side. At 7:26 I heard the sound that would forever change my world my precious baby boy Michaelangelo Alexander Ball was born he weighed 6 lb 3.4 oz and was 19 inches long born on May 13th, 2015 

At 7:27 again I heard the sound of my little princess Ellie Grace Ball entering the world at 4 lbs 8.4 oz and 17.5 inches long born on May 13th, 2015 

It was a moment in time that I will never forget my life was completed. Seth and I had always talked about having 3 children but under the circumstances of having these twins I was told it would be advisable. My world would only accompany two little ones in my house I was heartbroken but then I got a sign from God that came from my husband who told me it would be Ok that it wasn't worth risking my life or another precious baby who might not survive. So when we go for our follow up appt. I'm going to ask her about my options. 

The Final Count Down

So we are dwindling down the days until Michaelangelo Alexander and Ellie Grace are here with mommy and daddy. We are officially 4 weeks and 5 days away it's so unreal that my babies are almost here. We've been having baby showers and preparing for their arrival that the last few weeks just seem like a blur. I don't remember much of anything lately just knowing that in a month I'll have 20 toes and 20 fingers to kiss and squeeze and 2 giant hearts to fill with love for the rest of their lives. Lots of love for the entire family to fill. I realized Saturday after the baby shower that I really need to invest in a camera because there are so many things I'm going to want to take pictures of.  Life moments that their aunts and uncles, grandparents and even me or their daddy might miss that needs to be documented for future references. All I know is that people keep asking if we are ready and I always reply with a yes and a smile but I'm realizing the closer we get I'm ready but I'm not. I'm not ready to ridiculed by other mothers for mistakes that may be made I'm a new momma but I have to learn from the mistakes I make in order to learn the right ways. I'm not ready for people to ask if they can hold my precious children unless they are family.  I'm not ready for other mothers to look at me in the grocery store and ask when was the last time I had any sleep. I am however ready to see seth hold his son and daughter for the first time. I am ready to see all our families cry when they hold them and say congratulations to seth and I. And I am ever more ready to bring them home and know that they don't have to stay away from me unless they are staying with family.

Hello old friend

So I know I haven't blogged in awhile so I guess I have some catching up to do. We went February 5th for our anatomy scan to see how these little angels were doing and to see how their organs were growing boy I never thought I could see such long legs and fingers. Both Michaelangelo Alexander and Ellie Grace were doing great no abnormalities or anything. Then February 9th we went for the glucose levels and passed with flying colors woo hoo then we started doing two week appointments to check their growth they have been doing so wonderful.  I've been so busy worrying about everything that I need to be doing to make sure the house is prepared for their arrival. Fast forward to March 26th and we had to make a emergency run to labor and delivery because we thought they were trying to make their appearance. After nearly 4 hours we found that it was just a bladder infection.  We were told to drink plenty of water and stay off my feet and we may make it to term we only have 6 weeks and 5 days left till they get here. We have baby showers scheduled for April 10th, 11th, and the 19th I can't wait to be with all my family and friends as we celebrate this glorious occasion.  

Isn't this just the cutest invitation ever I love my sister in - law she is so creative. So I guess I should post some baby bump pics

 

The Trials and Tribulations of Motherhood

I mentioned before of the trials and tribulations that my dear husband Seth and I went through trying to conceive these sweet babies growing in side me. Last year seth and I experienced the worst year ever. We miscarried 4 beautiful creations from God but each time we just told each other that it wasn't our time and that God had a plan for each of those sweet children. I had been carrying a bible verse with me after the loss of our first child that just seemed to fit what we were going through. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. After the second loss I couldn't help but wonder if this was my fault I blamed myself but I always kept the verse close to my heart. All I could do was turn it over to God and let him take it from there. Then the third and fourth loss seemed a little bit easier how could that be easier but I felt god by my side telling me everything is for a reason. I put all my trust into him knowing that someday maybe we would finally get our rainbow child to who we would give our lives to. The child who would shape Seth and I into the parents we needed to be. I'm a mother even though my beautiful angels are not here yet. I'm still a mother of four beautiful angels in heaven who someday I will see again. With this being said it doesn't matter if you have children of your own, if your adopting, had a miscarriage or even if your child was taken to soon from this world your a mother.  I read this blog earlier and it really struck my heart strings

The Most Powerful Thing You Can Say to Another Mom

Feb 2 2015 • By Denise Stirk 206.2K 5.6K

A few weeks ago, one of my dearest friends lost her 21-month-old daughter forever when the sweet baby girl died unexpectedly and suddenly. My friend and I live on opposite sides of the country, so I took a trip to visit her for this past weekend. Admittedly, I was a nervous wreck about what I was going to say to her and her husband. How was I going to find the words to comfort them? How would I avoid saying the wrong things? I wanted to find perfect words, and, as I am a writer, words happen to be one of the few ways I truly know how to express myself.

Except I was at a complete loss over her loss. Having two healthy children at home, I felt couldn't truly relate to her pain, so how on earth was I going to be able to comfort her during a situation that I have very little experience in? Armed with a pocket full of bible verses and a slough of rehearsed things to say, I walked into her home and could have never in a million years have foreseen the life-altering and powerful words that would be spoken between us during our time together. Except the words came from her, to me.

From her. To me.

That's right. My friend, who at this point is proving to be one of the strongest people I know, said something during her time of grief that will forever hold a spot in my heart. It was a phrase so simple, yet it has hit a cord deep inside of me. As she was describing the events leading up to the death of her daughter, she tried to express to me her complete heartbreak as she held her sweet child in the hospital during the minutes and hours after she died. Describing the time only as her worst nightmare, she said to me with tears rolling down her face, "You're a mom, you know."

You're a mom, you know.

This phrase took my breath away — as well as any composure that I had managed to keep together up until then. Because it was at that point, with that phrase, that I was able to start to understand the magnitude of her sorrow. Sure, I was completely heartbroken for her before, as death is difficult for anyone. But I'll admit that I didn't fully understand my role as her friend or as a fellow mom. See, all this time I had been looking in the wrong places for the perfect thing to say to her while I should have just looked at our simplest bond: motherhood. And while I have not experienced the pain that comes along with losing a child, I do understand the joy that she once experienced from holding her child. And to lose that? There are no words

Except maybe "I'm a mom, I know."

Losing a child is every mom's worst fear — no matter who you are or what kind of mom choose to be. In the days since, I've been keeping this simple thought in mind when relating myself to other mommies. Sure, we all have our different ways of mothering and raising our families, but we do have one thing in common: our hearts are directly connected to our children. It makes the whole mommy wars thing seem, well, totally ridiculous.

You're a mom, you know.

So as I went with my own mom, who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, to her radiation treatment, I glanced over at the young mother of a small boy in the waiting room. He was maybe 3 years old (though it's hard to tell because he was so tiny). He sported a colorful Superman cape and a bland hospital mask as he sat cradled in his mom's arms. She said something quietly to him. My heart stopped. This mom ached for that mom. And the tears started to fall from my eyes despite me not knowing her one bit. Despite me only sitting in the waiting room for maybe 30 seconds. Despite my own mom sitting next to about to have her own radiation treatment. This is crazy, I thought. I don't even know this woman.

But what I do know is that I'm a mom.

And later I was getting dinner at a takeout restaurant, and one of the employees was on the phone in the restroom. She was struggling to find a babysitter for her child while she finished her late shift. She was frantic. She was upset. She was mad. My heart skipped another beat, and the tears welled up in my eyes once again.

I know, I'm a mom.

As I went back to my mom's house, heartbroken over my friend's loss, my mother was trying to comfort me. Asking if I was OK. Me! She was the one going through radiation, I should be comforting her. And then it dawned on me as to why she was so worried about how I was doing.

She knows, she's a mom.

And on the plane on the ride home there was a new mom standing with her infant son nearly the whole four-and-a-half-hour flight because if she attempted to sit down, he wailed. She looked exhausted and frustrated. She checked her watch frequently, but she also kept on task all while kissing on his little bald head.

I know, I'm a mom.

See, it's a thread that unites us all. Helicopter moms. Free-range moms. Breast-feeding moms. Formula-feeding moms. Rich moms. Poor moms. Moms of sick kids. Moms of healthy kids. Moms. The crazy, heart-stopping love that we feel for our children runs deep through each and every one of us as moms.

And this knowledge is painful at times. It's why every sappy commercial brings us to tears. It's why we can't watch the news. It's why we get in the car and cry after we drop our kids off to their first day of school. It's why food allergies are terrifying. It's why our hearts ache when we hear about miscarriage or fertility problems. It's why we are up at night worrying about our teens. It's why the thought of our children eventually leaving the nest makes us weep into our coffee. It's why the death of another mother's child is so utterly heartbreaking . . .

It's also why we should always provide a blanket of support to all fellow moms. Not only to those who are suffering through the unimaginable pain of losing a child, but also to those mamas going through plain ol' rough times . . . and even those moms who are just having one of those days. Hug her and if you are struggling to find the right words, all you may really need to say is, "I know, I'm a mom."

But you probably already know this. After all, you're a mom.

The joy of pregnancy

So Thursday morning I finally felt my sweet babies moving, it was the moment I had been waiting for. For the last 21 weeks a chance to finally come to terms of being a parent. Seth had to be at work so I had to wait for him to get home to share the miracle with him. The twins were kicking like crazy. Finally their daddy got home and I tried letting him feel them kick but they were just light little taps. The next morning my big boy was kicking like a ninja and seth finally felt him kick that night he felt our little princess. It made this mommy's heart melt. Seeing the excitement in their daddy's eyes.

Excuse the messy room it's getting a lot harder to bend over to pick stuff up lol.

Today we decided to finish our babies registry and start getting stuff together for the nursery. I never knew how exhausting picking things out for twins would be. Especially for a boy and a girl there is so much thought to be put towards it. But I believe I have it done considering I don't know a thing about having babies of my own. 

You can check out our registry at Walmart   our registry ID is 99580275155

Getting things in line for the shower in April is lots of fun it's giving me a chance to talk with my sister in law about what needs to be done and etc... and a lot of time to talk about our future children hers and mine. I'm so ready to meet my new nieces and nephews they can't get here fast enough.

The little things in life

It's the little things in life.  I used to believe after many trials and tribulations that being a mother wasn't in the books for me. The man I married would never become the father he always wanted to be the. September 20, 2014 our lives changed forever we found out we were finally able to be parents. God has finally chosen us to raise this perfect human for the rest of our lives.

At 7 weeks we saw the baby growing and realized real quick that this was all we ever wanted. From then on has been a struggle that most mom's endure the dreaded wait. The wait to hold and snuggle your precious baby. On January 12th, 2015 we went in to see our baby once again and get the gender. We realized quickly just how much a life can change with just three simple words. YOU'RE HAVING TWINS!!!!! 

Seth and I have been extremely greatful for this blessing god has bestowed upon us and we are going to fulfill it to the fullest. Michaelangelo Alexander Ball and Ellie Grace Ball mommy and daddy love you to the moon and back. We can't wait to see you and hold you in our arms in a few months.